Forward and Backward

Spend a few minutes scrolling through adventure photos on Instagram and you're bound to be inspired to travel, or sent into a depression spiral from the realization that you're unable to do so in the near future.

Maybe that's just me. 😄 I tend to fluctuate between the two, unfortunately leaning a bit toward the latter.

It's frustrating for me to be indoors. I feel complete when I'm in nature, as if I'm where I belong. There are days when I look at the clock or calendar and wince.

Another weekend I have to work, to regretfully bow out of invites for hiking or camping, hoping friends won't give up inviting me in the future. The feeling of minutes, hours and days disappearing with the sands of time.

Every tick-tock of the clock is time I'll never get back. I want to spend as many of them as I possibly can adventuring and being truly alive. On the flipside, I don't want to spend it all on wishing I was farther along on my bucket list...or life in general.

I hadn't planned on my encouragement yesterday coming from a cup of afternoon tea, at least not in any form other than the caffeine, but that's how it showed up. The little tag on the end of the small string had only a few words, but it was enough to make me stop and really think about their meaning.

"Look forward with hope, not backward with regret."

-Unknown

The fact that that was enough to cheer me up and change my thinking for the day is almost silly, but I'm glad it did. Instead of worrying about all the things I haven't been able to and can't do, I'm trying to dwell on the things I can.

I'm looking forward to a camping trip in the Cascades with friends in a month. I'm looking forward to crawling hiking up a steep, 7,000 foot ridge with one friend on that trip just for the badassery of proving we can.

I'm looking forward to standing at the top of it and being proud of the physical strength I've worked so hard for despite chronic pain. I'm looking forward to looking at the world below and knowing I don't always have to stay down there.

I'm looking forward to the wildlife I'll see and hopefully photograph. The birds I may see that I've never seen or heard before, the flowers I will smell.

I'm looking forward to catching up with friends and making new ones. To sitting around a campfire in good spirits with good spirits.

To sleeping in a tent with a blanket of stars overhead. To waking up to a chorus of birds and not a blaring alarm clock. I have hope. There is much to look forward to. 😊